The husband has taken off to Seattle for a few days, visiting old friends and making new ones, on an adventure all for himself. Years ago, this would have sent me. I’d have been texting him non-stop, demanding to know where he was, who was there, what he was up to, and on and on. It would have driven him nuts, and as far as ”he-time,” he’d have had none.
Now though, in this current phase of our relationship, things have stabilized and leveled off. I’m in therapy. I’m working on my insecurities (which often roar out of me as jealousy). In fact, I’m thrilled that he’s doing this for himself. I don’t want him to be texting me about his adventures. I want him to remain present-tense up there, and when he gets back, he can tell me all about it. Or not. Either way is fine by me.
Getting to this place, this secure peace, with Ray, the man I also married a little over year and a half ago, has been such a journey, but one that was desperately needed.
It’s also given me more Me-Time than I think I was ready for. This morning’s peace and quiet, with just myself and our dog in the apartment, has meant that my mind has been wobbling and wandering without interruption. It’s been a challenge to stay focused and grounded, and perhaps I needed to flex this skill so as to hone my ability to do things on my own, and for myself, without the stabilizing energy that my husband brings into my everyday life.