Over on the Bird App, which I’ve become so damn fond of, things are fracturing even more. The Thing In Charge is revealing themselves to be an utter monster, and while I’m there, it feels icky, like I’m sticking my head in the sand and just doing my thing, all while knowing exactly what it is I’m feeding into.
Meanwhile, over here, in the land of Jockstraps and Evergreens, I feel like I can express myself far more authentically. I feel like, at least here, I can share and be heard in a way that suits me, doesn’t have to feed into the machinations of a megalomaniac, and could become some sort of online rest stop for my thoughts, ideas, projects, and expressions.
I know, this site started off as some sort of dark and sassy vaguely porn-ish thought process. And, yes, it’ll probably be that too, but expect more from me in terms of sharing thoughts, talking about the things that matter to me, with visuals that are hopefully tasteful yet evocative. That’s my goal, anyway.
I can’t manage the split-off of all of the people and voices that I once had gathered together over there on the Bird App. It’s not up to me to go chasing them down, to follow along, to reach out and find every last one of them. That took multiple years to craft and build so that my experience there was mostly uplifting and positive for me. I don’t have the patience for that, or, if I’m fully honest, the need for that much interaction anymore.
My life is *full* these days. David’s arrival in October really did fill the gap that was in my heart, that I was using social media to fill. I’ve said it time and again, but I’ve stopped Seeking for while, and for as long as he’s in my life. I’m not looking for that certain kind of someone, who’s both calm and sweet and loving, but also energetic and challenges me and my ways of thinking. I’m not on the hunt for someone who’s a fantastic romp in bed, but also isn’t looking to be that romp for lots of other people (I know, that’s a conundrum regarding my polyamory best left for a separate post). I’m not reaching into the Void to find other energies to bring into my life, only to be discarded or ignored or skipped over because I don’t fit a certain spot or ideal that they’re seeking. No, now that The Boy is here, and we’ve started to Build Our Thing, I don’t need to constantly Seek, Hunt, Search, Find, and Reach for the entity and energy that he now brings into my life. I have that.
For that, I am deeply, deeply grateful.
So? Perhaps it’s a social media Hermitage that’s in process. Perhaps it’s a break from the constant engagement and comments and thread-reading. Perhaps, for now, it’s time to look more locally for engagement and interaction that includes time spent with those who are in arm’s reach. The fact is, I have community here, and I need and want to be more of a part of it. I have this whole nutrition and fitness coaching side of me that’s just waiting for my attention and efforts. I need to scope out how networking is done here, among the 🌈Fam of Portland, and engage with that more.
I’ve got more to do than scroll infinitely.
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